Travel rule exemption announced for middle-class families driving to National Trusts

MIDDLE class families visiting National Trust parks and woodland for their daily exercise are to be exempt from lockdown rules because it is deemed 'essential travel'.
Who are you trolling online?

DELIBERATELY angering strangers on the internet is the UK’s top new lockdown hobby. So who are you trolling this weekend?
PTA mum starts bossing herself around

WITH no one else to organise or pressure into taking part in tedious fundraising events, a PTA mum has started bossing herself around.
Five great hangover cures by people who don’t get that pissed
DO you like reading about implausible hangover cures for lockdown drinking? Here various lightweights describe their cures that won’t touch a proper hangover.
The house is shrinking, Britons report
BRITONS under lockdown have confirmed that their homes appear to be getting a tiny bit smaller every day.
Shelf of Lonely Planet books laughing at you
A MAN is wondering whether to throw his Lonely Planet guides away rather than allow them to mock him from the bookshelf.

Donald Trump’s guide to kicking your social media addiction
FINDING it hard not to share your inane thoughts with the internet? Learn how to quit Facebook and Twitter for good with this guide from former social media addict Donald Trump.
Woman with pink hair disappointed to see other woman with pink hair
A FREE-THINKING woman making a bold statement with hair dye was gutted to see another woman with the same pink tint.
What to do if you’ve been shafted by Brexit, by a Brexiter
FISHERMEN, hauliers and other businesses are struggling to cope with Brexit. Here Leave voter Roy Hobbs offers his common sense advice to affected industries.
The dog walker’s guide to pissing off other pedestrians
ARE you worried you’re not annoying enough people while walking your canine chum? Our handy guide will put that right.
I’m a British fish, and I’m seriously f**ked off
JACOB Rees-Mogg told Parliament yesterday that fish are better and happier for being British. Well, I’m a British fish, and I’m properly f**ked off.
Hardest part of Veganuary ‘is not being a total pain in the arse about it’
THE hardest part of going vegan during January is not being a complete and utter pain in the arse about it, it has emerged.
Estate agents: The unsung frontline heroes of the pandemic
THERE’S been much talk about the heroism of NHS workers during the pandemic. But why is there no clapping for those other brave frontline workers, estate agents?
Kid who tips crisp crumbs into his mouth clearly going to go far in life
THE future is looking bright for a child who has the skill and confidence to tip crisp crumbs into his mouth, it has been confirmed.
‘You’ve spent too long on the toilet’: Six texts that prove your relationship has gone stale
THE romance in any relationship can't last forever. Here are six texts you might receive - or send - that prove it beyond all reasonable doubt.
Trump’s TV tells him to shut the f**k up
THE television that President Trump has been shouting at for the last week has unexpectedly told him to shut the f**k up.
How to be an effective leader of the opposition, by Marcus Rashford
HI Keir. You’re an experienced politician and I’m a 23-year-old footballer, yet I’m much better than you at holding the government to account. Here are my tips on how it’s done.
The Tories’ foolproof guide to governing by headlines
DO you think Britain should be governed purely on the basis of what gets positive headlines? Here junior minister Denys Finch Hatton explains the government’s winning strategy.
How to pretend to be over 75 and get vaccinated
ONLY a morally bankrupt, heartless swine would try to jump the queue and get vaccinated early. Here’s how to do it.
Woman who says there are ‘two sides to every story’ always on wrong side
A WOMAN who likes to highlight the blinkered nature of people’s opinions always supports the worst point of view, it has emerged.