NO-ONE wants to hear about your job, but you’ve got nothing else in your life so here’s how to wank on about it anyway.
AFTER Keir Starmer’s busy weekend rearranging deckchairs, it’s hard to know who’s who in the shadow cabinet and if you’re shadow secretary for transport.
Think of it not as losing Scotland but as gaining a permanent Conservative majority, Nicola tells Boris
NICOLA Sturgeon has told Boris Johnson to think of an independence referendum not as losing Scotland but as the Tories ruling unchallenged forever.
ARE you a heterosexual woman? Commiserations, because you’ve definitely dated one or more of these arseholes...
Stabbing a fork into your thigh, and other activities more gratifying than being left-wing in Britain
ARE you broadly left-wing? Does British politics cause you indescribable pain? Here are five things more gratifying than the same miserable election results year after year.
VOTERS from around the UK have agreed that Sadiq Khan should never have been re-elected as Mayor of London.
YOU'RE keen to get back to your public pool, but don’t forget your hazmat suit. There's still plenty to make you gag.
ONCE you're over 18 you're embarrassed to be seen buying certain foods. These are the most shameful:
A COUPLE who only drink on Fridays and Saturdays get absolutely f**king wrecked every Friday and Saturday, friends have confirmed.
THOUGH after two drinks they believe they’re Justin Timberlake, men are shit at dancing. Here are five moves they make tits of themselves with.
COOKING can be fun and relaxing unless you’ve chosen fiddly as f**k ingredients. These five aren't worth the hassle.
AN unbearable twat wants you to think about 'some weekends that might work' for a meet up now restrictions have eased.
A WOMAN has awoken to discover her nap was a terrible, terrible mistake.
A MAN is horrified to realise he has started making unusual grunting noises whenever he uses a urinal.
THE Labour Party has announced it is to be formally wound up after losing the Hartlepool by-election.
THINK you’re a sophisticated adult? Then how come you still haven’t left behind these things that are clearly meant for young people, you massive overgrown child?
RED Wall Tories have made their voices heard in Labour's former heartlands. Take our quiz and find out if you're one of these confusing voters.
YESTERDAY the plucky little island of Jersey saw off a vast French invasion force. Read our Commando comics-style account of this epic battle written especially for Brexiters.
THERE are some topics this broadsheet seems to have a psychotic obsession with. Here are some we’ve honestly heard enough about...
THE DUP are looking for a new leader with the right blend of political acumen and batshit personal beliefs. Could you do the job? Read their recruitment ad: