SINCE last March, Denys Finch Hatton has been warning that lockdowns never, ever work. This is his last ten months.
LOOKING for new opportunities? Want to make cash fast, no questions asked? Simply become a Conservative party donor and fill your boots. Julian Cook explains how.
COUPLES across Britain have agreed that showering together is neither satisfyingly sexy or cleansing.
THE prime minister has told Britain that it f**ked up every key decision and strategy to battle Covid it was in its power to f**k up.
A WOMAN who considers horoscopes a load of horseshit believes her entire personality is down to her wizarding house from Hogwarts.
BORED of coronavirus and endless lockdowns? Why not convince yourself and anyone unlucky enough to be in your WhatsApp group it’s a hoax?
KEIRA Knightley has said she will no longer appear in sex scenes directed by men. But how does Hollywood get sex so wrong, and how could it be fixed?
GOVERNMENT quarantine rules have made foreign holidays impossible this summer. But have you already booked one and if so, how thick are you?
YOU’RE working from home and the kids are learning from home, so why not get your kids to do your job for you?
WORKERS in essential services will be downgraded from heroes to low-skilled by Easter if vaccinations continue at their current rate, it has been confirmed.
THE education secretary has confirmed that we are failing a generation of children, so we may as well forget them and put our efforts into the next set.
PARCELS sent to or from the EU now carry extra charges, a detail left out of the Brexit deal. Leave voter Norman Steele explains these vindictive costs.
SOMEONE dropped the L-bomb out of the blue? Stuck for a response? Check out these half-dozen ways to let them down easy (for you).
THE Government admits it is struggling with the Scottish independence movement because it cannot think of a single reason why they might want it.
A MAN has returned from the supermarket with all 12 items that his girlfriend requested, each of them wrong.
OUTRAGED? Livid? That’s the only way you can get blood flowing to your genitalia any more? Daily Mail reader Bill McKay divulges the genres of story that give him life.
A MAN is afraid of what he might become after going out on a run and enjoying it.
AMERICANS have made more television than anyone else, and we’ve got nothing else to do but watch it. But why do they say these words f**k all like they’re meant to?
BRITONS have decided that ‘bubble’ is too cosy a term for a grim huddle of bored people stuck indoors with only each other for company.
PUSHED for time? Bored of all the padding in a typical hour-long show? Here are five you can safely fast-forward through the middle 40 minutes of.