VEGETABLE gardeners are pleading with Britain to please, for the love of sweet Jesus Christ on a bike, take some of these courgettes.
THIRTY years sailing through ice-crusted seas, knocking back potato vodka for breakfast toughens a man. But how would you fare in a drinking contest with this Russian trawlerman?
A WOMAN has managed to buy her husband a present before he bought it himself on Amazon.
A MAN has missed the 12-minute window on a ‘perfectly ripe’ avocado.
VISITORS to a completely spotless house have been asked to ‘forgive the mess’, it has emerged.
ARE you a Brexiter unable to stop howling about democracy despite not knowing how it works? Here’s how to be a shouty, ill-informed w**ker.
IS everyone racist except you? Are you the only white person who truly gets it? Do they need to be told?
A MAN is labouring under the delusion that he has won an argument with his wife.
THE Sun is Britain’s favourite race-hate tabloid that acts like we’re constantly at war, but it’s a mistake to ever read it. Here are seven reasons why:
A SUPERMARKET has offered a full refund after a man bought a pizza with a satisfying amount of toppings on it.
A WOMAN has the amazing ability to take any compliment given her and instantly turn it into an insult, her partner has confirmed.
THE spiders living in a suburban house have broken their truce with the human co-occupants by entering the forbidden zone of the bedroom.
AN out-of-his-box British man in Amsterdam is claiming he can tell the difference between various strains of super-strong skunk.
THE prime minister has confessed to his Brexit negotiating team that he confused Ireland, the independent country and EU member, with the Isle of Man.
DOCUMENTARIES about people claiming benefits are as popular with Channel 5 viewers as ever, but could you make one?
IS IT really so impossible for us all to forget our differences over Brexit and just get along?
HIGH street retailer Matalan has changed its slogan to ‘for the mum who’s given up on life’.
THE prime minister is searching the whole of Britain to find a location he can visit without a member of the public tearing him a new ars*hole.
TODDLERS have confirmed that refusing to do the clever thing they have been doing all week so their parents look like liars is their favourite game.
MAKING c*ck-all money busking so want to take revenge on everyone on your high street instead? Try these numbers: