YEAH. Thanks for electing me leader and everything, but is it okay if I’ve changed my mind? Because if I’m honest I want f**k all to do with this mess.
IS self-isolation getting you down? Get away from it all with these weekend break destinations you can enjoy at home.
THE last month has been a bonfire of high-minded intentions in the face of reality. So what have you given up on?
YES, the NHS deserves a good clap but don’t you also deserve a pat on the back for the sacrifices you’ve made from your sofa? Here’s how to tell yourself you’re a corona hero too.
A MARRIED couple in lockdown with absolutely nothing to do are still not bored enough to have sex with each other.
THE UK is making sure it distinguishes the weekend from the rest of the week by getting really, really shitfaced.
DOES every trip to the supermarket to buy essentials fill you with terror? Here’s how to pretend you have nerves of steel.
HI. I’m Rishi Sunak and I won’t leave you behind. If somehow you’re still struggling to get by on Britain’s prompt and generous Universal Credit system, here’s how to pay your way.
A WOMAN’S plan to get fit with Joe Wicks has been abandoned after a mere three days and must never be spoken of again.
A FATHER who has no idea how to teach his kids at home has been consulting old episodes of Grange Hill on YouTube.
A MAN has booked a Morrisons home delivery which should arrive late next year.
NOW that coronavirus has stripped live sport from your life, how can you fill the hole where yelling at sweaty people on TV used to be? Here are five simple ways.
IN a move set to cheer millions, a family has decided not to to record any heartwarming viral videos.
YOU'VE been stuck in the house for what feels like, what, 30 years now? So, there's a good chance that you've started to go stir crazy. Here's five signs to look out for.
A WOMAN is desperately searching the house to find her husband’s acoustic guitar and destroy it before he remembers it exists.
DO YOU have COVID-19? Take the official government multiple-choice test and find out.
A SINGLE woman in lockdown has admitted that she is now even getting sexually excited at This Morning.
A PAIR of extremely close co-workers have realised that they are no longer friends now they do not sit together.
WITH the pandemic destroying whole industries, getting your partner into a boring but steady job is the only way to keep you in bog roll and broadband. Follow these tips.
CHILDREN taking daily PE lessons with Joe Wicks are physically healthy but at least 30 per cent more common, parents have reported.