32-year-old hopes he loses interest in music soon
A 32-YEAR-OLD man hopes he reaches the fabled cut-off point where you stop listening to new music soon, because he has had enough of it.
What other f**king stupid things can we have a referendum about?
IN case Brexit hasn’t ballsed things up enough, here are some other idiotic things Britain could have a vote about.
Man laughing at old photos of himself unaware he’s still a twat
A MAN has been laughing at old photos of himself, completely unaware he is still an utter twat.
Woman angry Bodyguard didn’t include all the clever twists she thought of
A WOMAN has attacked the BBC after thriller Bodyguard left out all the clever twists she had come up with over the last week.
Everyone had forgotten this country is freezing cold most of the time
EVERYONE had forgotten England is generally absolutely freezing, it has emerged.
Parents prepare toddler for life by buying him a little toy cubicle
A COUPLE are preparing their toddler for adulthood by buying him a tiny grey cubicle to sit in all day, it has emerged.
Woman discovers #metoo not for just general agreement
A WOMAN has discovered that the Twitter hashtag '#metoo' is not meant for just generally agreeing with things.
Judgmental dads secretly jealous of lazy arsehole dad
A GROUP of committed fathers who love to judge rival parents are all privately jealous of the father who does absolutely nothing, they have admitted.
Is this the worst hangover you’ve ever had, or have you woken up in Burnley?
LAST night was a heavy one. But are these overwhelming feelings of pain, sickness and despair you’re feeling alcohol-induced, or have you awoken in the Lancashire town of Burnley?
Are you suffering from Corbynism? Try our symptom checker
Do people who are centrists or even slightly left-of-centre make your tummy feel a bit funny?
Man constantly barked at by dogs wonders if he is evil
A MAN who has been barked at by terrified dogs every time they see him for 15 years is wondering if he is actually the Antichrist.
It’s not ‘treating yourself’ if you do it all the time, say experts
CONSTANTLY treating yourself is not actually treating yourself, it is just what you do, scientists have confirmed.
I had one job, admits May
THE prime minister has acknowledged she was chosen to do one single task and has done nothing but fuck it up.
The Waitrose shopper’s guide to poor people’s supermarkets
BUDGET supermarkets offer wonderful bargains, but how can a refined Waitrose shopper like you survive the whole ghastly experience? Read our guide.
Couple admit they want ‘no kids’ wedding because they’ll f***ing ruin it
A COUPLE have decided to be brutally honest about not wanting a load of little bastards at their wedding.
Are you a tedious superhero wanker?
DO you think superhero films are much deeper and more important than they really are? You may be a tedious fanboy. Take our test and find out.
Things described as ‘rustic’ generally shit
THINGS that are old, tatty or just total crap are being made to sound desirable by describing them as ‘rustic’.
How are people judging you because of your funny regional accent?
DOES that West Country twang make people think you’re as sexy as the Cadbury Caramel bunny, or a comedy bumpkin off The Two Ronnies? Find out with our guide.
Missing cat actually on four-day bender
A CAT thought to be missing has actually just been pissing it up with his mates for the last four days.
Is everything terrible or are you just a massive f**king drama queen?
ARE the events of your life an unending nightmare or are you just a deeply annoying drama queen? Take our quiz and find out!
