A 32-YEAR-OLD man has spent the last three hours trapped inside a pair of super-skinny jeans in a changing room.
IT’S traditional for school reunions to only be attended by people you didn’t like. So which t*ssers from the past can you expect to see?
A WOMAN has fallen head-over-heels in love with the driver of a hot hatchback who revved his car at traffic lights.
THE gimp-suited prowler of Somerset’s identity remains a mystery but, let’s face it, he or she will be a Conservative MP. But which?
CLIMATE activists trying to paralyse cities by blocking roads and causing traffic jams could learn a lot from Ocado delivery drivers, it has emerged.
THEY are taking their damn time about it, but Brexit is due to take place later this year. But how will it barely affect the upper classes?
MET someone who believes ‘gin o’clock!’ is the last word in wit? What a great timesaver to discovering they’re a tedious c*ck. Watch out for these:
DO you think it’s only fair that your kids should suffer through the films that traumatised you as a child?
IS telling someone non-white to go back to their own country, as President Trump did, racist or are you seriously asking that question?
A TRACTOR driver holding up a long queue of traffic on an A-road has admitted he is absolutely f**king loving it.
CHILDREN are unexpectedly appearing at the school gates with a full year’s worth of books, artwork, homework and all the other crap, parents have confirmed.
A POP psychology book has really helped a woman unburden herself of her trivial, tedious problems to everyone she meets.
VEGAN cheese has been cast back into the hell from which it was spawned from, exorcists have confirmed.
JD Wetherspoons has confirmed that it will be removing all foreign drinks from its pubs and replacing them with proper British bags of sniffing glue.
CRICKET is brilliant and if you disagree you are less than a buffoon, according to experts.
AN office worker has taken a much needed day off for rest and relaxation within the confines of his office.
FILLED with hate? Directing it at vulnerable targets? You could be a neo-Nazi, or you could be kicking out at the world because Darren Jackson always got picked before you at football.
A COUPLE who are strict vegans, wear upcycled clothing and go on holiday by train have realised their marriage is toxic and disposable.
CRICKET fans are threatening to rampage through Waitrose, Cath Kidston and SpaceNK wreaking havoc if England win today’s World Cup.
SPENDING thousands on a fancy summer holiday but worried about being looked down on by your sanctimonious friends? Here’s how to get away with it.