Five shit endings that still would have been better than the Game of Thrones finale
GAME of Thrones fans’ disappointment shows no sign of abating, so here are five terrible endings that are still better than what actually happened.
Middle class men ‘still have no idea why they try to impress working class men’
MIDDLE class men still cannot explain their pathetic urge to try to impress working class men they meet.
Couple’s date in diary for sex getting dangerously close
A BUSY couple who put a date in their diary to ensure they have sex are becoming increasingly panicked as it draws closer.
Vote for whoever you like, it doesn’t matter and nobody gives a toss, experts advise
EXPERTS have advised that if there was ever an election where voters could throw caution to the wind and go hogwild, this is the one.
Are you a ‘radicalised Remainer’ or do you just think Farage is a tw*t?
HAS voting to remain in the EU somehow turned you into a traitorous, UK-hating fundamentalist, or do you just hate Nigel Farage? Here’s how to tell.
Brexiters excited to vote on thing they know jack shit about again
LEAVE voters have confirmed they will be turning out in large numbers to vote on a thing they do not have a clue about.
Arsehole actually writes on gift bag label
A FRIEND has actually written a personal message on the gift bag containing her pal’s birthday present, confirming herself to be a a total arsehole.
Karma’s a bitch, say kids who loved Turkey Twizzlers
A GENERATION who were robbed of deliciously unhealthy school meals by Jamie Oliver have told him that what goes around comes around.
Are you suffering from imposter syndrome or are you genuinely shit?
DO YOU feel like you’ve fluked your way into your current position, aren’t up to it, and are terrified of being found out?
Cunning robot ticks ‘I’m not a robot’ box
A CUNNING robot has outsmarted the Internet by claiming that ‘it is not a robot’ whenever it is asked.
Are you sexually promiscuous enough at work?
ARE you worried that you’ve slept with less than half of your office, and it’s affecting your reputation and career prospects?
Anything that touches Theresa May’s new Brexit plan will die, doctors warn
DOCTORS have confirmed that the prime minister’s new Brexit plan is so extravagantly toxic that any living thing that touches it will die.
Gunge Tank on Noel’s House Party was also liberal intolerance, Farage confirms
NIGEL Farage has confirmed that the Gunge Tank on Noel’s House Party was also an example of radical Remainers exercising liberal intolerance.
Which historical monsters could have been stopped with a milkshake?
THROUGHOUT history, evil men have led nations into war, slaughtered their own people and doomed generations to slavery. But could today’s advanced thick shake technology have stopped them?
Six things to have in your kitchen if you want to be Tory leader
HAVE you arranged a cosy kitchen photoshoot to prove that you’re an ordinary, decent person who would do a great job running the country? Here’s what to pose with.
Quirky start-up is based in normal office and pays its staff with money
A START-UP company is based in a normal office instead of a giant playground and is paying people a fair wage instead of free kombucha.
Artisan bakery like methadone clinic for middle class people
AN artisan bakery is making middle class people behave as if it were dispensing a heroin-like substance.
500,000 Game of Thrones fans sign petition demanding cuddle from mummy
HALF a million Game of Thrones fans have signed a petition demanding a special cuddle and an assurance that mummy loves them.
Song of Ice and Fire single released
THE full-cast song with which the Game of Thrones finale concluded last night has been released as a single with hopes it will go to number one.
Dentistry is expensive because mouths are gross, dentists confirm
DENTISTS have confirmed that they charge huge amounts as compensation for having to spend their working lives staring into your disgusting mouths.
