WhatsApp group that suddenly goes quiet means they’ve started a new one without you
IF a WhatsApp group suddenly goes quiet it could mean you are annoying and no one likes you, experts have warned.
Are you suffering from burnout or are you just hungover all the time?
ARE you genuinely suffering from work-related stress or is going to the office horrendous because you’ve got a permanent hangover? Take our test.
Oh sh*t this is happening, Britain realises
THE UK has woken up to the fact that the coronavirus is here and happening and this is likely to be very bad.
Waitress listening to woman’s allergies muttering ‘Jesus’ under her breath
A WAITRESS listening to a woman describing a huge list of allergies was reported to be muttering “Jesus” under her breath.
‘Posing up a storm’ and other expressions for twats
ARE you keen to look like a massive twat for some reason? Simply use these incredibly irksome contemporary phrases in everyday life.
Parents ‘lose six years of their lives getting everyone in the f**king car’
PARENTS waste six years of their lives getting their children into the f**king car, research has confirmed.
Win a date with Priti Patel
WOULD you like to win a date with the UK’s popular home secretary Priti Patel? Enter our unique competition for charity by answering these Priti-related questions.
‘Woke’ guy an absolute d*ck to go out with
A MAN who thinks of himself as 'woke' has demonstrated he can still be an enormous pain in the ar*e to go out with.
‘Don’t get ill’: Britain’s 12-point coronavirus plan
THE government has revealed its 12-point emergency plan to stop the coronavirus sweeping Britain and upsetting the markets. Read it immediately.
No return to the 70s, says man who bought house for £20,000 in 1973
A MAN has warned against any return to the decade from which he benefited enormously.
How to move on from ordering the wrong thing in a restaurant
IT’S happened. In the pressure of the moment in a restaurant you panicked and made the wrong choice. Here’s how to accept it and move on.
Passive-aggressive email phrases to make your colleagues hate you
EVER included the phrase ‘as per my previous email’ to suggest the person you’re writing to is as thick as mince?
Six deeply odd things that were normal if you were an 80s kid
MIDDLE-AGED? Do you sometimes notice that life is less weird than when you were growing up? What happened to these things?
The right and wrong times to get your cock out
TORY MP James Grundy has apologised for exposing his penis in the Ram’s Head pub in Lowton in 2007, but when is the right time to whip out the chinos cobra?
Woman breaking up with boyfriend can’t decide which restaurant to ruin
A WOMAN taking her boyfriend for a break-up dinner cannot decide which restaurant she will never visit again.
In the face of a global health emergency we have a twat in charge, Britain realises
THE UK is slowly waking up to the fact that, in the face of an oncoming world catastrophe, it has chosen to put a d*ckhead in charge.
Chlorinated chicken insists it just likes being clean
CHLORINATED chicken has protested at its demonising by the UK media, insisting there is no shame in being clean.
Third date best time for sex and revealing you’re batsh*t insane
THE third date is the best moment to make a relationship physical and to unveil your collection of human skulls, experts believe.
Woman improves morning routine by adding line of coke
A WOMAN has made her mornings more streamlined and productive by snorting a fat line off the mirror.
Five post-Brexit pancake toppings
BLUE passports are back, we’re a sovereign nation again and it’s time to celebrate a patriotic post-Brexit pancake day with British toppings.
