Your astrological week ahead for July 19th, with Psychic Bob
Great so many people have been able to see Oasis this summer. They can cross that off their bucket hat list.
Is your wanking ratio normal for your age?
STILL spanking one out at 50? Concerned the frequency of your solo self-abuse is not age appropriate? Our quiz will tell you whether to throttle back or push ever onwards.
We ask you: how are you preparing your 12-year-old to vote in the next general election?
LABOUR’S voting age change means today’s 12-year-olds will vote in the next election. How are you readying them for their civic responsibilities?
Most children don’t really need to go to school, say experts
THE majority of British children should be excused school as it is a waste of their and society’s time, say experts.
The Archbishop of Canterbury on… enjoying Wonderwall for the 10,000th time, Noel?
WAKING with a hangover the size of Hampshire, I clear my system by vomiting copiously from an upstairs window, which drenches a passerby but calms my stomach magnificently, and reflect upon the week’s events.
Man going to Greece for holiday learning how to speak English louder
A MAN heading to Athens for his summer holiday is brushing up on how to speak English slowly and more loudly.
My reference to ‘secrets’ in Epstein letter was to the secret levels on Tony Hawk’s Underground, explains Trump
DONALD Trump has explained the ‘secret’ he and Jeffrey Epstein shared was how to unlock Shrek as a playable character on Tony Hawk’s Underground.
We have always been passionate about vaping, Fortnite and drip, by Kemi Badenoch
AFTER a hard day being Tory leader, there’s nothing I like more than to chillax with a mango ice vape, some Charlie XXX and spawning into a nice relaxing game of Fortnite. I find it very nang.
Patties like beer mats and chips from f**king sweet potatoes: The gammon food critic’s smash burger bar experience
NOBODY knows their burgers like us Brits. They're a homegrown national institution, like pizzas and curry. Except these days everyone feels the need to reinvent the f**king wheel.
Setting up a full outdoor kitchen, and other ways to piss off fellow campers at a festival
ARE you setting up tables, chairs and a six-ring gas hob in very limited space at a summer festival? You’re probably being a dick in these ways too.
If someone removed the whip from me I’d be f**king delighted, by an office worker
SO Starmer’s removed the whip from four of his MPs, meaning no nasty bastard threatening them if they don’t follow orders? Is anyone else not seeing a downside?
How we faked the whole Epstein scandal to screw Trump. By Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama
DONALD Trump has claimed the entire Epstein scandal is a hoax by Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Here they explain how they pulled off this incredible feat of deception.
How to see a boob once porn sites roll out age checks: A guide for teenage boys
UNDER the age of 18 and worried how you’ll ever see funbags again when porn sites ask for age verification? Follow these simple steps.
How to not send an email that risks 100,000 lives and costs £7 billion
WORRIED you might be about to send the most expensive and life-endangering email ever sent? But it’s 4.58pm? Here’s how to do the most basic checks.
Sycamore Gap prisoners confronted by group of oaks in showers
THE men who cut down the Sycamore Gap tree have been cornered by a copse of menacing oaks in the prison showers hissing ‘Where’s your chainsaw now?’
I am outraged that the current government did this in 2022
JUST when you thought it couldn’t get any worse for Starmer, we find out that before he even took office he cleared thousands of Afghans to enter the UK.
Wet Leg, and other indie bands whose novelty wore off fast
JUST because your band appeals to 6Music listeners doesn’t mean you’re more than a one-hit wonder. These bands found their fans’ loyalty did not stretch to a second album.
